I sit here watching her and she doesn't even know it. She's eating her lunch at the kitchen counter and I am on the rocker glider that I have just recently moved into the living room because I just can't part with it even though my babies no longer need me to put them to sleep in it. Its familiar, and comforting.
She lets out a burp and says excuse me, but in true Karleigh fashion she sings the words "excuuuuuseeee meeee" even though shes unaware that anyone is listening, thats Karleigh.
She sees that I am here and walks over to me, I tell her before she reaches me, "just give me a minute sweetie" she tells me "I'm just wondering what yer doin" and I look at her, with her princess dress up clothes on, a tiara in her hair and her blue/green sundress hanging out the side because she didn't quite get it tucked in ... and love her just a tiny bit more than I did even a minute ago. I tell her I'm writing a quick blog, she walks over to the toy box, pulls out her leapfrog laptop and 5 seconds later I hear it say to her "new blog entry!" she's so smart ...
Sometimes my days are so full, others feel like they drag ... and lately, when I think about my baby starting Kindergarten in 3 months I wonder if I have done things right over the last 5 years as an at home mom. Have I played enough with them? Fed them all the right things? Do they know how much I love them?
They grow up so fast. I remember the first time that I said that out loud as a mom, I felt like I aged 10 years right then and there. It's so true though, they change before your eyes and one day you realize that even though you've been around for every single moment you're not sure when it all happened. I know exactly when they both took their first steps, I have photographed every memory possible but there are still parts that have been lost. A very real reminder that none of us are perfect, reassuring yet sad at the same time.
If I look at her just the right way I can see the tiny little face that looked up at me, minutes old and to whom I said "hi Karleigh ... I'm your mama" and those are the memories that count, for me. Those are the memories that I will hold onto forever. When one day I don't know what they are doing at every waking moment, I will remember those times, the ones I spent with them in this chair, and I will never forget them.
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